Do you ever give a nod to your natural instincts?

Last weekend we went to Bass Pro, aka Outdoor world. We wanted to look at tents for camping in the backyard. As a family we often make a fun trip out of going there, to see the fish, and the stuffed animals. My husband and older son apporached a stuffed, rather large bear, exposing his teeth ferociously.

When I got close to the bear, while holding my 6 months old baby gal in my sling, I had to "override" this funny auto wtihdrawal from the bear urge. I giggled about it, but I acknowledged it. As a female with her young one, my instintcs told me to GET WAWY from that bear with sharp teeth. Don't get me wrong, I didn't give in to my instincts, and run screaming from the store, but i did NOD at them... Out of respect of course. Afterall God gave me those instincts for a reason.

I have noticed this at the zoo too. Ever been on the Lion deck at Cincinnati Zoo? Or near the crocodile pit? I hate it there. My momma instincts go all funny and uncomfortable. I want to get AWAY from there with my children as soon as possible.

I happen to wear a heart rate watch for when I teach my fitness classes, and often wear it out of habit now, so I noticed one day, that when I am near the Lions, and crocodiles that my heart rate is increased, despite the thick and supposedly safe partition dividing us. Why? Well I think it is my instincts saying "Um HELLO! Have you noticed that large predator over there? We don't care that it is the year 2010, for all we know it is the year 1610, back away from the Lions you silly woman!" and my instincts then dump adrenaline into my blood in case I need to "fight or flight" increasing my heart rate.

I think instincts are good. I think it is good to give them a nod. If you pay attention to your intincts, you will be aware of them more, and will know to follow them WHEN they are important, and guiding you. Sometimes they obviously don't apply in modern day life, like at Bass Pro, my instincts told me I was in danger from the bear, but of course, I really wasn't....

BUT when your pediatrician, or that lil sweet lady with good intentions tells you to put that baby down so you don't spoil her, you will have heard your instincts speaking on the matter, and will know who to listen to.

My dog had pups about 10 years back. She was an oustanding mother. She made some human moms look like, well...dogs... WHy? She was smart enough to follow her instincts. She didn't take the advice of the busy body poodle up the street who had never even had pups before. She nursed her pups, and slept next to them, and counted them, and kept them clean. If one of them cried she attented to it, immediately, licking it, and nuzzling it with her momma nose of comfort. Some modern day moms though are not as smart as my doggie.

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when your baby is out of your eyesight, in the other room? Be honest. Despite the monitor with it's bionic ears, monitors don't fight off saber tooth tigers....your momma instincts will want you to keep your baby close. I am always more relaxed when my baby is near me, or better yet, in my arms or sling. If I am doing chores with the monitor on while she sleeps, I am always stopping and cranking my ear out of place to hear her. And despite the perfect electronic ears of my monitor, I will still find myself tip toeing in to peek on her, making sure she is okay.

I know there are no bears are in my house, the doors are locked, but my instincts say BE NEAR TINY BABY. I am not saying you can't ever put baby down....but again, a nod and aknowlegement to one's instincts would be a helpful thing in this plastic society that we now live in. I think some people have sadly forgotten how to hear their human instincts...
and they have lost the ability to decipher when the bear is real.

staying at home more

I am a big fan of staying at home. I like to go out, but once home, I like to stay home. In today's fast speed world, sometimes we all feel overscheduled, and I wonder if this is good for us as human beings. I think it is healthy for kids to have unscheduled free play time, and the same for parents....that we way can calmly get our life chores done, without the hazzle frazzle hurry up and rush cause I gotta go somewhere as soon as I fold this laundry....stress.

With my son, I encourage him to do extra curricular stuff, but only one at a time....right now he is doing a martial art.

Dad is doing trailrunning.

I teach Cardio Bellydance and attend Zumba.....

I wish we had more down time though. Does anyone else feel this way besides me?
But what to take out?? Nothing! Mike needs exercise, as do I, so we can live long and have a quality life in our elder years....excercise IS the fountain of youth!.... and what would we tell our child, only we get to do stuff not you??

When the little girl joins some ballet class as soon as she is old enough to walk (ha!) then we will be even busier....where does it end??

I am very careful about not doing too much, but even in being careful of this, I don't think I am reaching my goal here.

I know you are waiting for the point, and the big solution...but I JUST don't have one..... do you?? What would YOU take out of your week??

100 years ago, we wouldn't have a choice, because we probly didn't have a car...so going anywhere involved a long trek in a wagon or on a horse....maybe that is the solution? Get a horse, lose the car, save the world and not need oil that pollutes the beaches when someone screws up and breaks a pipe?....It sounds great...you go first though, let me know how it works?? How would dad get to work in the winter??

I just want a calmer slower life....anyone else?

Driving through Hyde Park- and - Child Centered Parenting

The other day I had to go to Target, in kind of the snooty part of town, near Hyde Park.... your town may have one of these areas too?....you know it because EVERYONE shops at Whole foods after their Candleliht Yoga class ( I love yoga- AND Whole Foods, but you know what I mean right?). A momma from the email playlist had mentioned some bumgenius cloth diapers on Clearance at Target that I was hoping to buy before they sold out... So while driving in Hyde Park, in an area that I am not very familiar with, I ran into lots of yuppie types that one doesn't normally see in my little "regular folk" neighborhood. It was exhausting!

While searching for Target, I have a fussy baby who hates her car seat, (she prefers the baby sling) and a 7 year old asking me questions about earth science...so God forbid I don't turn right away, at the first second the light turns green! I am a good driver, considerate, and I pay attention to the road, I don't text while driving or anything like that...but the man behind me is honking and throwing his hands up in the air because he doesn't like how I cautiously yield on green, so sorry, but my kids safety must come first, Mr. Self -Centered.

I finally find target, and am about to pull into the parking spot, when a man zooms in front of me and takes my spot. I had my blinker on, and he saw me, but he put himself first, and cut in front of me. I am tiny bit stressed from the drive and I regroup while nursing baby in the parking lot. And I start thinking about how self centered people irk me. Don't act like they don't irk you! I am not even saying that I am never self-centered, but I hope this is not how I act on a regular basis.

And that leads me to wonder how self-centered people became self-centered.

I think their parents taught it to them. I think it is a learned behavior.
But not in the way you think.

When I see child centered families, I feel sad for the children. I think it makes the children insecure, and uncomfortbale, with their parents staring at them all day long asking THEM what they want to do. I think kids like to be folded in to a parents life, along for the ride, helping adults do their chores, and running off for independant play, then coming back to the adult now and then to help, or watch, or talk about what they are doing, or ask questions ( Mom, how do ariplanes fly?) of the adult WHILE the adult is choring away (like when I wear my baby on my back doing my chores, THOSE are her most pleasant, cheerful moments).

A couple hundred years ago, families were not child centered, but community centered. Everyone did chores, mom was busy doing her chores, and dad doing his. Kids did their chores, and then were off to play in the creek. Parents were busy making sure everyone would have food for winter, not if Johnny felt happy, and entertained all day long. Johnny had to learn how to play on his own after HIS chores were done.

I am sure parents had time to play with thier kids, but I doubt they played with them all day long. If so, the corn would not grow, and no one would have had clean clothes to wear, and humanity would not have made it, becuase, well there were no washers to do this chore for them or Krogers to buy their corn if they didn't feel like growing it that year.

Flash forward to 2010. Things are so different- and don't get me wrong i LOVE my washer, dishwasher, and irobot who cleans my floors. I am not about to go wash my clothes in the creek (well they wouldn't get clean anyhow becuase it is probably just my neighbors glorified septic run-off, who's kidding who here!)
But I think it is good for kids to see adults doing real work. My son follows behind me as I walk the laundry up and downstairs, and organize closets, then back to his schoolwork, or to his room to play with his action figures if his school work chore is done. I don't stare at him all day, and feel obligated to entertain him or play games with him all day. We do our school work, which is a mutual chore, and then he is happy to play and be a kid, while I am happy to be an adult. Sure I read to him, and sometimes we take a break to play outside, but what adult REALLY wants to play Candyland all day long....to me this would be a type of pergatory torture!

In my 20's I was a nanny. I thankfully had an awesome family to work for. I didn't sit around and play with their child all day long. I did stuff, and went places, to the bank, and to run errands, and the child tailed along. Of course I saw to his physcial and emotional needs and held his hand in the parking lot and all that, and we would often even go to the park, where I met other nannys who would all chat and socialize while the kids played.... but even then, before I had my own kids, I instinctively felt it would not be good for this darling 3 year old- if I were to just sit around and STARE at him all day long, asking him what HE wanted to do. When I started working there, he had some behavioral problems, but eventually these fell by the wayside, and he became very bonded to me. We had a relaxed easy going relationhship, where I did not expect him to GUIDE ME (the adult) all day, but he was secure as I was about my own business, and he was happy to come along for the ride. Less pressure on him, leaving him the joyful FREEDOM I think kids crave, to just be a kid. Kids like to play with other kids, if you have a baby in the house, you know this, baby prefers playing with the siblings, other children.

So I have to wonder if modern day parents are not creating future self-centered adults, in a mis-guided effort to be "good" parents.
"Johnny what color of crayon do you want mommy to hand you" might be smartly replaced with "Johnny, hand mommy that wash rag out of the clean laundry bin so I can fold it"....and before you know it Johnny is back in his room, or to the rug, living out much needed child hood games, and fantasies, flying his dragon through the air, and having creative play on his own. (NOT playing guided play that the VIDEO GAME directs him to do all day, but THAT"S another story...or maybe it is the same one?...a video game is really just a kind of glorified, ROBOTIC, computerized ADULT telling Johnny WHICH button to push on the controller, to keep him busy and quiet)

I love hearing the pitter patter of little feet, or the action dramas played out in kid sound effects, while I am paying my bills and doing my adult chores. I love being with my kids.....but I also love being an adult, and I think that my kids SEE it is pleasant to be an adult, and satisfying to get work and chores done... And one day, when they are done with their dragons,and child like play, they will grow up and do the same, not expecting others to pander to THEM all day long.

And hopefully my son will not steal the parking spot of a frazzled mom driving into Target when he is an adult, because he will not think the world is ALL about him, and HIS needs only.

p.s. I am not the only one who feels this way. Jean Liedloff, who spent many years with the Yequana Indians makes a very similar argument, you can view it at the link here
http://books.google.com/books?id=W4GviNYO9hAC&lpg=PR14&ots=Of3nXM2CRM&dq=continuum%20concept%20child%20centered&pg=PR14#v=onepage&q&f=false

It may be more convenient for the parent, but studies show that when a baby is crying unattended, the baby's body releases cortisol, a stress hormone, which has been proven to slow brain development- Cortisol is also the stress hormone that Police Officers get at work due to the high stress situations they are in, which can cause heart problems- which is why many police officers have to work-out after a shift, to burn off the excess cortisol. If it feels bad to do, there is a reason....it is your instincts warning you. God made baby's cries ANNOYING to hear for a reason, so we would respond to them. Holding your crying baby is indeed the best for baby, while sometimes not easiest for mom or dad. I have been there. My son had colic (we later found out it was from dairy) but we always held him when he cried, and he is an amazing child now....don't listen to moms and dads who say their child turned out just fine...they may have, but the baby learned that crying does nothing for them. Baby's CAN reason...heck baby's can even learn to read now, lol...they are not blobs of cells, but a human being with emotions and fears too. A cry is a baby's way of asking for help. They are saying, "mommy help me!" ..."WHosoever ignores the cry of the poor and weak will also cry out himself and not be heard" Proverbs 21:13